Staring at the Sun
I think one of the things I’ve learnt most this year is how fast things move, and how quickly life can throw you in new directions.
When I last wrote one of these posts, I hadn’t even finished putting the book together for ‘You are Here’, which is mental. So much has changed for me in that time, personally and most definitely professionally. Im going to talk about some of those changes and also talk about my new work, ‘Staring at the Sun’ in a bit more depth.
I think one of the reasons I love photography so much is that photographs are a bit like time capsules, in the sense that looking at an image you shot a while ago feels like stepping back into that life. When I read back my last blog post recently I was transported back 6 months to a very different version of my life that I was in when I made that work, a life that feels foreign to me now, and I life I couldn’t imagine being in anymore. I made that work during a time where I was getting to grips with my anxiety, yet I had no idea that the 6 month following that work would test me in ways I could never have imagined.
That’s where ‘Staring at the Sun’ comes in.
I’ve really realised over the last 6 months just how much photography helps me. Having a project to work towards and chip away at has genuinely kept me sane, and I think that’s an incredible power that art has.
Life changes. People come and go. Things happen out of nowhere, new bonds form, new feelings come up, career changes, so much can change and so much has changed. But being able to work on ‘Staring at the Sun’ has been the one constant, and ill always be grateful for that.
Starting as a full time lecturer has meant I’ve had far less time than I am used to having in order to work on my projects, but I’ve actually found that having less time makes those few photowalks and few moments of creativity more valuable, and in a way more exciting. I can’t recall being this excited about some work in a while.
I’m starting to turn my attention towards the book now. I aim to have it put together by the end of the year I think. Time to start sequencing, culling, designing the cover, and ultimately deciding the best way to tell my story within that book. There is so much context needed for this project, but that’s a conversation for another day.
When I started this project 4 months ago, I told myself I would keep working on it until I healed. Until I got to the point where I was able to say I was okay again, and a couple of weeks I finally told someone I was fine, and meant it. So it’s time to start wrapping it up. This project has helped me in so many ways and I can’t wait for it to be in the world.
I think ultimately, I want people to know how much power creativity has to help you. I never thought id get through the past 6 months and at times it nearly beat me, but im in the best lace ive been in for months. Of course, photography isn’t the sole reason for that, but being able to be creative, to make things that reflected my interior thoughts and feelings was invaluable for me, and could be invaluable for other people too. When the full book comes out, I hope that’s what people take away from it.
To end, im going to share some images I shot in Scotland. Don’t be fooled by the black and white, they’re not part of ‘Staring at the Sun’, ive just become a bit obsessed with black and white film simulations. I spent nearly £2000 on my Fuji, partly because of Fuji’s colour science, only to become obsessed with shooting black and white… :/
Thanks for reading my evening waffle, I hope it made sense in some way…
